<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>caps lock emotions by spells</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26192137">caps lock emotions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spells/pseuds/spells'>spells</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Rewrite, Character Study, First Meetings, Gen, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:15:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,855</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26192137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spells/pseuds/spells</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kozume Kenma, Shouyou thinks. Shouyou feels a turmoil inside of him, curiosity, interest. Making friends, making friends. Smiling.</p>
<p>or, all that shouyou feels when he and kenma meet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>caps lock emotions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Running, running, running-</p>
<p>(Shouyou’s always running towards something, never running away. He spends his life in track shoes, spends his life breathless, an ideal machine, scraps of metal falling behind in his wake. Shouyou keeps moving forward, advancing, gritted teeth and tight fists, eyes squeezed shut, nothing’ll stop him-)</p>
<p>Shouyou’s hands grow numb, but he runs. He stops knowing why, his colours fade, running in place, no wind, no friction. He runs until he’s dizzy with it, runs until he’s sure he’ll win, he’s sure there’s no way, no one, to stop him.</p>
<p>He opens his eyes. He’s run until he’s all alone.</p>
<p>He looks around and thinks out loud, “Did I go the wrong way?” He barely knows where he came from, could maybe try to retrace his steps, but he feels like he’s run headfirst into a dead end in a maze, like he dove inside a wishing well.</p>
<p>A cat meows, he looks to the side. He sees a boy.</p>
<p>(Shouyou’s relationship with boys is a bit odd, he can’t quite put it into words. They’re his friends, and his rivals, and something he doesn’t understand. Sure, he doesn’t understand a lot of things, doesn’t even understand himself, but still. He doesn’t like to think about boys, because thinking forms a mass in his gut, rock-solid, worry and sadness and stress. Thinking about things he doesn’t understand makes him feel worse about the things he does.)</p>
<p>The boy, this boy, wears a bright red tracksuit that stands out like a sore thumb, and Shouyou’s never seen one like this before, at least not around here; the boy might as well be a neon sign, bleached-blonde hair, and Shouyou really has never seen anyone like him before. Shouyou wonders if he’s from around here at all, if he’s from little towns in the mountains, towns of big tall trees and old temples and falling leaves, or if he’s urban, if he’s from Sendai, skyscrapers like you see on the news, each building lit up a different colour, the skyline rainbow in the evenings.</p>
<p>“Whatcha’ doing?”</p>
<p>Shouyou never gets tired. Shouyou runs on ice then water then fumes, Shouyou runs on himself, his energy a current with no end and no beginning. He walks closer, smiles. The boy turns around, a pretty face and pretty eyes, and Shouyou’s relationship with boys is something peculiar.</p>
<p>“Um…” The boy pauses; he’s got a phone in his hand, a cool one like Shouyou sees on TV, like the one the owner of the tech store in the city has, no buttons, just screen. It makes his skin look paler, whiter, against the dark glass and the cherry red jacket. Makes him look out of place. “I’m lost.”</p>
<p>“What? Are you from another town?”</p>
<p>The boy speaks quietly, like his words get caught between his teeth. Shouyou crouches next to him, tries to hear him better, to see his face through his long hair, but it almost feels like that’s the point of his hair; hiding his face, caging his words. Shouyou wishes he had pliers. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Is that fun?” Shouyou tilts his head, points gently to the phone. He feels like his voice is growing quieter, like he’s getting to the same level as the boy. He’s curious, he wants to get closer. There’s something- Something there, like an image from the corner of your eye that disappears when you turn to look at it. Shouyou can’t quite put his finger on what it is yet, if it’s something he’s not seeing or if he’s seeing it and, at the same time, not.</p>
<p>“Not really… Just a way to spend my time.”</p>
<p>Shouyou hums, Shouyou, “Oh.”</p>
<p>Then, he sees it. He jumps up, feels the shift in the air when the boy tenses, but doesn’t care, brain too far ahead to think it through, too far ahead for one to catch up- “Do you play volleyball?!”</p>
<p>Shouyou gets back on track, back on the horse. He pushes the train back on its rails, the comfort flooding in, feeling his face flush with the relief of familiarity and a path he knows how to tread. Shouyou can make friends, can get through it. He imagines himself on court, imagines himself with the people he’s been learning to trust, his senpai, even Tsukishima and Kageyama. Imagines the ball in his hand, can feel his palm tingling, the sting that lingers after a good serve or a good spike, remnants of it still on his skin. He gets carried away, but stays very still.</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“Those shoes!” Shouyou grins, nods over to the boy’s bag, half open and with familiar Asics peeking out. “Volleyball shoes, right?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah.”</p>
<p>Hinata puts things together. The volleyball shoes, the tracksuit. Wonders what this city boy, Sendai bleached hair and high-tech phone, is doing here, in the middle of nowhere. He prods, a little; he can make friends. He can smile, he’s been smiling his whole life. “I play volleyball too! The name’s Hinata Shouyou!”</p>
<p>“Kozume,” the boy says, Kozume says, half a voice, half a whisper. Shouyou thinks it must be hard to play volleyball if you’re hiding your words like that.</p>
<p>“Kozume? Is that your first or last name?”</p>
<p>“Kozume Kenma.”</p>
<p>Kozume Kenma, Shouyou thinks. Kenma. Long blonde hair, down to his chin, and a face Shouyou has just caught glimpses of. His hands clutched in his lap, his game still playing music, quietly, even in the paused screen. A bright red tracksuit and Asics. Shouyou feels a turmoil inside of him, curiosity, interest. Making friends, making friends. Smiling.</p>
<p>Kenma speaks a little like he’s scared, and a little like he’s purring. The cat, the one that meowed before, dances around his feet, his body too skinny and his tail too jagged. Kenma reaches for it, and the cat doesn’t even wince. Even cats that know him, cousins’ and friends’, run away when Shouyou reaches for them. Shouyou wonders if this, their conversation, is just like that. Him backing Kenma into a corner, reaching for him until he hisses and jumps away.</p>
<p>“Kenma, huh? Are you in high school?” Kenma barely responds, a low hum, not even a nod. Shouyou prods, a little further. “What year? I’m a first year!”</p>
<p>“Second,” Kenma says, quietly.</p>
<p>“Shit!” Shouyou jumps back, bows his head a little, “Senpai, I’m so sorry!”</p>
<p>Then Kenma chuckles, so imperceptible, barely an exhale, and Shouyou’s heart squeezes a little. Shouyou’s relationship with boys… “Don’t worry. I don’t mind, I don’t really care about that whole… sports-minded, superiority stuff.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Shouyou pauses, but Kenma keeps looking down at his lap, his fingers wrapped loosely around his phone like it grounds him. “Do you like volleyball?”</p>
<p>Kenma slides his phone into his bag, rubs under the cat’s chin and it purrs, it leans a little closer. Shouyou watches, carefully, because he’s afraid he’ll miss something if he blinks.</p>
<p>“Not really. I play because I always have- I don’t mind it, I guess, but I don’t like getting tired. A friend of mine plays it, though, and I think he just needs me to play with him.”</p>
<p>Shouyou’s shoulders soften, even though he hadn’t even realised he was stiff. When he speaks, he notices his voice really has grown quieter, but also cheerier, and he’s never wanted to smile and make friends this much in his life. “I think once you start to like it, you’ll see how much fun it is.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine. I’m only going to play in high school.”</p>
<p>Shouyou doesn’t think, usually, about how most people don’t experience volleyball like he does. It doesn’t surprise him, per se, when someone says they don’t really care much for volleyball or says they don’t want to do it after high school, or for a living. He’s just come from a place of misunderstanding – of being the singular member of a team for two years straight, kind-of-three –, so he does his best to be understanding back, even if sometimes his emotions get the best of him. But still, still, as much as he understands, it doesn’t make any sense in his head, and it’s a future he feels like he would wither in instead of flourish.</p>
<p>“What position do you play?”</p>
<p>“Setter.”</p>
<p>God, why couldn’t this have been his guy, his teammate, instead of Kageyama? “Really? You’re nothing like our setter! He’s more of a-” Shouyou frowns, makes a face scary just like Kageyama’s, “-<em> grr </em>type of guy.”</p>
<p>He knows Kenma’s looking at him, hopes he’s smiling (Shouyou likes smiling and making friends, but likes making people smile even, even more), but when he looks at him, Kenma’s looking away. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“I’m a middle blocker, by the way! Do you think that’s odd? Because I’m not tall?”</p>
<p>“I mean… I guess so, but not really.” Shouyou feels a little shift in the air again, like there’s some ethereal wind now blowing in the opposite reaction. Like his skin switches magnetic poles. Shouyou walks away from the fence, pays attention. He doesn’t really feel like he could not pay attention, right now. “They say stuff about me a lot, too, when I go to matches. Wondering why I’m the setter, since the setter’s supposed to be the most talented person in a team while I’m not that athletic or anything.” </p>
<p>“Is your high school’s team good?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure… They say it used to be, but then things went kind of sour. But, recently…” Shouyou looks, Shouyou watches. Kenma turns his head and looks straight at him. “I’d say it’s a pretty good team.”</p>
<p><em> Then, </em>he sees it.</p>
<p>Shouyou’s in the eye of the storm – he must be. Kenma looks at him, really looks at him and meets his eye for the first time, and Shouyou doesn’t know why, doesn’t know how, but his mouth goes dry, his eyes go wide and he thinks his knees might just give out- His brain doesn’t even process it. He doesn’t know what colour Kenma’s eyes are, doesn’t know their shape or their size. He feels trapped inside his gaze, feels like he should retreat, feels like he wants to walk closer.</p>
<p>“W-” He can’t speak? “What school do you-”</p>
<p>“Kenma!”</p>
<p>Shouyou doesn’t turn. Shouyou watches Kenma look in the direction of the voice, sigh and stand up, picking up his bag, scaring away the cat a little bit; he watches Kenma smile, tiny, barely a curve of his lips, and whisper something – <em> sorry? </em>– to the cat. Shouyou feels his heart pounding against his chest, feels his ribs cracking, crackling, magnetic electricity, thunder and lightning. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so much at once- He can’t just let Kenma go, can he?</p>
<p>He turns, because Kenma’s standing by his friend, tall and scary and really-messy-haired. Kenma raises his hand, waves, smiling wider, now, “See you later, Shouyou.”</p>
<p>Shouyou watches him walk away, thinks of a city boy with eyes like the sun and a soft spot for cats. Wonders how he’s feeling all of this, and how he’ll deal with never feeling it again, with losing this, this boy, this friendship, or-</p>
<p>
  <em> See you later? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/kenhinabot">twitter</a>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>finally. finally i am back on my kenhina bs. i'm rewatching haikyuu with a friend and i didn't remember there was a canon moment, when they met, that just looked like a traditional love-at-first-sight scene, so i had to talk about it for one week straight. title is from tanlines' all of me; every time i hear that line, i think of shouyou, so i had to put it somewhere.<br/>thank you for reading! thank you if you left a kudo, a comment, a bookmark, or just any token of your appreciation – you don't even know how happy those make me</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>